I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
