your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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