I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
