She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
