And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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