can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
