It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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