One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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