can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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