I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
