Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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