I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
