Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
