the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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