chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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