Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
