Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
