She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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