is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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