I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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