based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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