if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
