I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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