so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
