I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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