I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
