Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
