I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
