I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
