either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
