puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
