and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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