Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize