So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
