We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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