My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I FOUND THE LEGS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
