I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You made out with two different species that night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
