For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
