i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
