Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
