yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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