we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
