Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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