I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
