i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
