someone threw a dead crab at me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
