You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
