Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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