I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
