and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
