Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
