she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
