help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We got so high we made milksteak
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
