Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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