Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
