I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So vagazzling was a success
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
