Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
