we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
