Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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