he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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