Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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