I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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