don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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