No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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