Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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