Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
