She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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