This is not my ceiling
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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