Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
