We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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