At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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