i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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