I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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