pop tarts are not kleenex
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize