She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize